Flowers In The Fields
by Ellis McDohl
Summary: FFT: Ramza is only a child when his mother died. He feels he is worthless and Balbanes comes to cheer him up


"Flowers in the field"  
by: Ellis McDohl  
disclaimer: They're not mine!!  
first entry: November 18, 2001 (1:35 pm)  
last entry: November 18, 2001 (4:06 pm)  
  
  
Ramza sat still under the clear, blue sky, looking up at the clouds as they floated away, lazily that early afternoon. His mother had just died and he left the castle to think for a while. He couldn't bear to think that his sweet smiling mother was now gone.  
  
He had always thought they would always be together. Just like the flowers in the field that could not separate itself from the soil where it had grown. He had always hoped that nothing else would happen and when the war was done, they could finally live in peace.  
  
But he was wrong...  
  
He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears. He was alone here in their fields near the castle. In a place he had always loved... but now...  
  
The grass was green underneath him and they danced with the winds as they passed by. The wind caressed his pale cheeks, gently. It seemed shy when it touched him. It was almost as if afraid a child such as he would break and wither away like the flowers in the field. Yet he was strong enough and fit enough to withstand any strong wind.  
  
Or maybe not...   
  
They've always compared him to his older brothers. He has always known that he would never be as good as they were in battle. They were knights while he was only a child. A child who could do nothing.  
  
He was fragile... He was fragile too in one way or the other. Unknowing of the cares of the world. He was always protected and always had been under his father's wings...  
  
He had always detested the fact that he could do nothing. He could only watch...  
  
A cloud passed by, covering the sun for a moment. He thought how even the clouds shielded him from the sun's rays... He was not strong... he could do nothing. Just like the flowers of the field who only stood there and waited for the wind to blow, the sun to shine and the rain to fall.  
  
He was helpless...  
  
...Just like it had been... He could not bear to see his mother lying there, suffering. He could not bear to see his father, looking so old and sad. He didn't want this to happen. He hated it. He hated himself for not being able to do anything.  
  
"I am worthless..." He said, bitterly.  
  
He bent his head down, letting a few tears roll down from his eyes and water the flowers. He was not supposed to be crying. Because he was a boy, though only five years old and a noble. He must not let other see his weaknesses.   
  
But there was no one around to see him. He was too far from where the people normally crowded around. He was too far from the sneers and the jeers of all the other people who thought he was too weak for anything. He was too far from the world...  
  
He watched as the tears landed upon the soft petal of the flowers beneath him. He closed his eyes and hurriedly wiped away the tears as he heard footsteps come near him. He tried to stop more of them from falling but they could not be halted.  
  
They continued to fall.  
  
"Go away, please!!" He cried, turning his head away from the figure he knew that was coming. "Go away! I wish to be alone!"  
  
But it did not obey. He buried his face in his knees to keep those tears from being seen...   
  
They've come to mock me! He thought, bitterly. They've come to make fun of me... all of them... I'm doing my best not to but they've come!!  
  
"Ramza..." The figure called.  
  
"Leave me alone!" He shouted, angrily.  
  
The footsteps stopped and he thought whoever it is had obeyed him and left him to himself.   
  
He was wrong, for a pair of strong arms embraced him, from behind. He struggled, trying to free himself from these strong arms but they were persistent and did not let him go.   
  
"Let me go!!" he shrieked, throwing his arms about. "Let me go!!"  
  
The figure did not obey... Ramza looked up at the figure's face angrily. "Why couldn't you let go...?" He cried, helplessly.  
  
The figure did not reply to his question.   
  
"Father..." He said, under his breath, unbelievingly. "What are you...?"  
  
Balbanes shook his head. "You're not... worthless..." Balbanes said. "I won't allow you to say such things about yourself..."  
  
"...But I am..." he sobbed, burying his father's chest, smothering the tears. "...I could only watch while mother..." He could finish. "Now she's dead...!"  
  
"Hush, my son..." Balbanes said, softly. "...There is nothing you could've done... It's not your fault..." He whispered.  
  
"That's it!" He choked. "I-I couldn't d-do anything..." He sobbed. "I'm not strong like you... At least y-you could do something... but I... I'm worthless! Like the flowers here..." He clutched his father's clothes so hard, his little hands hurt, though they did not bleed.  
  
The flowers moaned at what he said.  
  
Balbanes knew of this pain. He had felt it too. So many times. He couldn't do anything. His son trembled against him, crying. Maybe it would've been better if he had not told him of this grave news and yet, that is wrong. He had the right to now.   
  
Balbanes closed his eyes. He was going to lose another woman he loved. Just like that. he was helpless too.  
  
"I am weak too, Ramza..." Balbanes began.  
  
Ramza's head shot up, in surprise. He did not expect this to come from his father. He did not expect this to come from someone whom he considered fearless and strong. For a moment his tears did not flow and his eyes grew wide as saucers.  
  
"You're not!!" He exclaimed. "You're not-!!"  
  
"-and neither are you." Balbanes interrupted, holding him closer. "You're not weak... You can be strong too..."  
  
"But I..."  
  
"Hush..." he whispered. "Come now my son. I will show you something..."   
  
Ramza nodded and Balbanes pointed behind him. He turned and saw the flowers, dancing with the wind, gently. The grass danced along with it. Balbanes lowered his hand and held him closer.  
  
"Ramza, look at flowers of the field." He began. "They are here now but when autumn comes, they start to whither and die. Everything ends..."  
  
Ramza laid his head on his father's shoulder but did not take his eyes off the flowers. There were birds flying away but it was only a small, black speck against the blue sky. So high and so far. Clouds hovered along, still lazily and the wind blew.  
  
"...if everything ends why do we live then?" Ramza asked, bitterly.  
  
"For others that need us..." Balbanes replied. He cupped his son's face in his palms. He felt the soft, pale skin, wet with tears and gently turned him to face him. "Ramza, the flowers come back in spring... The same as your mother. She may not be here in body but she will continue to live here in our hearts."  
  
He wiped the tears away from Ramza's face with thumb. Ramza saw his father's eyes. They were sad but then he was still smiling. Their mother had said that they shouldn't cry and that they should always smile.  
  
"The flowers in the field are not useless, my son..." He continued. "They return every spring, give joy and hope to those who need it..."  
  
Ramza did not speak and he didn't need to. Balbanes smiled knowing that his son, though young, understood. The flowers in the field will remain here for a long time until it is autumn. They will wither away and die but soon-someday soon-they will grow again to give joy and comfort to those who need it.  
  
The flowers in the field.  
  
END  
  
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notes:  
  
I've never known Ramza's mother. But the fancy suddenly seized me when I wrote this. I'm a little odd don't you think so? Oh well, I'm going to have to get my head cleared. I hope you liked this. I hope you'd review...  
Bye for now.  
  
Ellis McDohl 


End file.
